Cookie Cutter Home Wrecker
by BleachedMerc
Summary: Homes are broken. Dreams are crushed. Lost. All is lost. Could this be the end for Genga?


The house was empty and cold. The door was ajar (Ha ha, very funny...) and the gentle breeze made it creak in the sunlight.

A few stray leaves blew in from outside, rolling and frolicking along the floor, they circled and inspected the place to see if it would make a suitable home for them to stay at.

Suddenly they heard a sound and they stopped having fun in the house. Tiptoeing now, uncertain of their immediate future, they listened closely.

Or appeared to, being leaves and all it's hard to tell.

Suddenly they picked themselves up and with the help of another quaint helping of wind courtesy of the Butz, they flew out the door and ran away, far far away, perhaps out of the 100-acre woods entirely. That is.. if it wasn't a book and they weren't trapped. Doomed to wallow in this torment!

For inside the house lay a vodka bottle. And inside the vodka bottle lived a genie.

And Genie had invited Kanga to move in with him.

"Oh dear." She said, half in the Vodka bottle. "I'm far too big. I wish I was smaller or this vodka bottle was bigger."

"No can do." Genie shook his head. "You ran out of wishes years ago."

And so Kanga sat up and in a way to make Winnie the Pooh proud was firmly stuck in the vodka bottle.

"Oh dear. I appear to be stuck. I wish there was something you could do."

"Nope, YOU'RE out of wishes, unless somebody else comes along and rubs the lamp, you're up a creek without a-."

"But this isn't a lamp."

"What? This isn't _my lamp_?!"

Clearly the pair will still drunk off the fumes from the bottle. Genie recalled his amazing visit to Vegas that put him in this mess and that little barmaid from Lima. He remembered the terrible consequence to fame, how he had sold his magic lamp for a wedding ring and then how the little lady had stolen all his money and flown to the coop, buying a degree online and journeying to the Phil Collins infested Deep Jungles of Africa.

At least I think it was Africa, it might have been Madagascar or Poland.

Regardless, the result was the same. Genie sulked to the nearest bar, a place called the Blue Bagoon, and he opened up a tab there with a jolly old fellow his mistook for Santa Claus.

Santa was a happy sort, but despite all the laughter and merriment, there was something missing in Genie's life and the hollowing void left in Janey's wake left Genie feeling blue.

In a mad and drunken bid to spark some fun in his life, Genie zapped "Santa Claus" with the practical joke ability to spew rainbows from his mouth.

Sadly the effects of Genie's binge drinking caught up to him and he decided the only place for him was to crawl inside this vodka bottle.

The rest was a drunken blur in Genie's mind.

"Well, that's the problem!" Genie exclaimed. "If this isn't my lamp than you don't have any place to sit! We need to go get some furniture!"

Kanga looked sceptical. "I don't think a couch is the problem." She said with her face scrunched up and stuck against the glass of the bottle.

In a puff of pink, yellow and purple smoke, Genie teleported the pair to Leon's (Not Kingdom Hearts Leon, but a furniture store in Quebec, Canada.)

Genie immediately began scouring the store for some good quality Arabian furniture for his vodka bottle leaving Kanga to struggle alone with the bottle firmly stuck on her head.

Smashing the bottle against the wall and miraculously avoiding being cut from the resulting glass, Kanga was surprised to find herself in French-speaking Canada. But not France-French, instead of sad, broken and poorly inadequate French that borrows too readily from English-speaking Canada. But not England-English, but rather a sad, broken and poorly inadequate English the borrows too readily from Tim Horton's.

Kanga wandered the store when she was groped by a particularly ragtag and lonely Carpet with a majestic velvety softness.

She giggled and threw herself upon the Carpet like a mad schoolgirl that had snorted too much coke or taken Ecstasy, though her magic carpet ride wasn't anywhere as amazing as Jasmirelda's. The years consuming nothing but cookies and milk hadn't been kind to Kanga and poor Carpet lacked the strength to get her back home.

Genie wandered the warehouse searching for doodads and gizmos for his home (which Kanga had clearly wrecked, that's right, she was a home-wrecker.) He found a fancy Pooh Stick that caught his eye but before he could purchase it, Roo bounced along, paid a ridiculous price for it in Canadian dollars, bagged it and took off in a French Cab for the Fellowship of the Pooh.

The End.


End file.
